MY PERSONAL JOURNAL

Insomniac –

I lay in my mothers mansion-like bedroom, in a king sized, 70s fitted bed. So many bizarre sounds which can be heard of, an open bathroom to my right with different shades of lighting hitting different angles, leaving a dark tone to the setting. There can be seen a flashing light bulb just outside the door from the bedroom which was slightly open. Unfamiliar patterns, objects all over the room, which horrifies the brain. The TV flashing its brand name, vividly extracting more light around. Lastly, the heat of the room leaves me more restless. All of these things  created such a dark horrifying tone and kept me restless, unable to sleep, so I finally got up and wandered to my own room, where everything is familiar, minuscule and quiet. The lighting is of consistent shading leaving no ill thoughts to the mind. I can finally rest peacefully at last.

Benzo Walk –

After consuming 2 xans from the day before, I was still in a state of abliss, in fact I had felt it hit harder in my system the next day. I thought I’d take a nice walk and listen to music. Beautiful colours all around and lots of butterflies flying by. Normally when I see a stranger pass me I have unwanted thoughts such as the fact they are ruining my beautiful walk by inducing Awkward anxiety. But none of these thoughts were present today and I looked this stranger straight in the eyes as I walked past him, no anxiety, no fear. His presence was irrelevant to my state of mind. As I’m walking I see a stupid politician sign promoting himself so I kick it to the ground. Beside me are cars going at such velocity it makes the hairs on my body lift. What if I just walked straight in front of the car, they wouldn’t have a chance to stop. My body slammed into the ground. My intestines bleeding from the inside awaiting the fate of death. Is this what it feels like to be normal I wonder.

MODERN APATHY

“Let people do what they want as long as it doesn’t affect you”

The belief of letting everyone do what they want as long as it doesn’t affect others is a very mainstream belief in western civilisation, which has led to the normalisation of many degenerate behaviours. I believe it’s absolutely necessary to guide individuals down the correct path for the long term health of the population.

The hedonistic apathy of many people during our modern period is very contradictory in itself because letting anyone do what they want will affect someone sooner or later. Society is comprised of individuals and every action of an individual contributes to the fabric of society. Those that claim otherwise are simply refusing to look at the big picture to instead blindly chase after misdirected ideas of liberty.

If one citizen is a porn addicted consumer and says “I’m in my room how is this affecting anyone else”, he can spread his degenerate ideas around to other citizens like a plague destroying our societies moral code. Our libertine ideas have been the downfall of our society and it takes strong men and women to unlock themselves from the hedonistic entitled arrogant programming.

If a citizen is unhealthy and uneducated, he might commit an atrocity against fellow citizens causing harm. We should have authority enforcing laws against such behaviors to keep citizens protected from falling into an unhealthy state. If we let our citizens destroy themselves, then we have failed as a society at becoming strong. The strong will protect the weak as they have in pre historic eras. There is a strong lack of empathy and compassion among one another that is disturbing to see and driven from such desensitization through typically online.

The effects of moral apathy have been widespread. Our ideas of sex has been corrupted by letting subversive elements run through every institution with no resistance. We went thousands of years with normal ideas of sex without having to tell women they don’t need to be strangled to death in order to enjoy it and yet thanks to porn we have this absurd ideas that destroy us. Porn that people claim merely effects the individual and not society at large- a ridiculous claim. A perfect example would be Only Fans, it is very normalized for the most part and thus lots of young women are creating an Only Fans and they suffer little consequences for it. It affects society as a whole despite supposedly just being a transaction between two people, it is causing a lot of men to act on lust hunger destroying their ability to love a woman without having to see her as nothing but a sexual object. This also affects how women see themselves and women having healthy relationships. Who would of thought a talentless woman could make $10k a month while men are getting paid not even half that while risking their lives.

We need to take action against this hedonistic apathy for our society to become clean. In the end doing what you want will always impact someone around you. Protect and guide the weak in your community.

THE CONSEQUENCES OF PORNOGRAPHY

The main question a lot of you want to know is WHY and HOW porn is bad? To come to this conclusion we must start off with the history of pornography.

Pornography noun 1. Printed or visual material containing the explicit description of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement.

The word pornography, derived from the Greek porni(“prostitute”) and graphein (“to write”), was originally defined as any work of art or literature depicting the life of prostitutes. 

It is hard to devise the history of pornography precisely to the fact that imagery that might be considered erotic or even religious in one society may be condemned as pornographic in another.

some people call it ‘religious iconography’ others might call ‘depictions of torture’. We will all perceive it in a different manner, thus its controversy.

Depictions of human sex go back to the Paleolithic era—the early Stone Age. Many of the oldest artistic renderings on earth are sexual.  

Porn use has been correlated with the abrasion of the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that holds functions like morality, willpower and impulse control. Consistent porn use can be linked towards feeling depressed, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, feeling insecure about your body, and has given men and women a false perception of sex, love and actually causes men and especially women to be objectified. The more you watch porn, the more likely you might start to feel the need to watch something more hardcore, to be able to orgasm from, causing you to be desensitized to normal and healthy sex. A lot of the most popular porn videos are often very violent and objectifying. We also notice weird fetishes becoming more common thanks to pornography normalizing porn of step sis, step bro, daughter, forceful gang-bang etc. Pornography has also led to women having rape fantasies, giving them a false perception of how real rape would be. I have not even begun to mention the sexual exploitation, abuse and rape of young girls in the porn industry. Pornography is widely consumed heavily in society, at one point 90% of teenagers have been exposed to pornography, distorting their perceptions of intimacy with another being, and even sexualizing things like stepsisters,stepbrothers; It has been linked with an increase of strange, unhealthy kinks. A lot of vulnerable young women are swept into the industry, abused and taken advantage of in the industry. There are thousands of rape videos on popular porn sites all around the internet. The idea that the woman “asked for it” or “signed up for it” this entitlement is just another symptom of prolonged porn consumption. Here are some statistics on the negatives of porn:

  •  Male porn stars inject drugs into their penis to stay erect
  • Women in porn are treated badly and are often abused 
  • 66% of porn stars have herpes, 7% have HIV and only 17% use condoms
  • 56% of divorces in the US alone are caused by an obsessive interest in porn
  • 76% of 18-24 year old’s consumed porn regularly in 2016
  •  71% of teenagers hide this behavior from their parents.
  • Estimates of 4.5 million people are forced into sexual exploitation globally
  • Sex trafficking generates $99 billion annually
  • 63% of underage sexual trafficking victims said they were sold online
  • A 15 year old girl was found in 58 videos on pornhub
  •  Over 40 million Americans are regular visitors to porn sites. The average visit lasts 6 minutes and 29 seconds
  • There are around 42 million porn websites, which totals around 370 million pages of porn.
  • The porn industry’s annual revenue is more than the NFL, NBA, and MLB combined. It is also more than the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC.
  • 47% of families in the United States reported that pornography is a problem in their home.
  • Pornography use increases the marital infidelity rate by more than 300%.
  • Eleven is the average age that a child is first exposed to porn, and 94% of children will see porn by the age of 14
  • 70% of Christian youth pastors report that they have had at least one teen come to them for help in dealing with pornography in the past 12 months
  • Porn rewires the brain
  • Porn is an addiction that can be compared to a heroin addiction
  • Porn teaches degeneracy
  • Porn can alter a consumers sexual tastes
  • Porn stars are often lied to about there contract and virtually raped.
  • A lot of porn videos consist of sex traffickers. 
  • Porn affects ones sexual and love life
  • Porn destroys marriage
  • Porn can fuel anxiety, depression, and leave consumers lonelier than before.
  • Porn increases sexual aggressiveness 
  • Porn is degrading

In conclusion pornography is a weapon, to destroy love, to mislead the masses about sex, giving them false perceptions, and insecurities which can have disastrous causes in there love life and to there cognitive health as well.

SENSES OVERLOAD

Being in an adult environment, wondering what could happen and what friends I could possibly make, but what I realised was a valuable lesson on the general population, or neurotypicals in general. One person leaves the class and everyone begins to chat about the person who just left, throwing a few rude remarks, when they enter the classroom all goes back to normal and behaves as if they didn’t just say rude things about this person. On my lunch breaks, I decide to try to be social and sit around a few people. From their perspective I’m just boring and quiet, from my perspective I am being haunted by the fact their conversations have to be about bringing others down or pointing out irrelevant information about others. I thought after school maybe adults would be somewhat different, but they are worse. I try my best to at least attempt to get in on it, but I just don’t understand what is happening. I can’t socialise and make friends with people who make me feel haunted and sad. People love to be negative and sly constantly,, and it scares me away and drives me back into isolation. Maybe it’s not them, maybe it’s just me? I am living in a world with a foreign language. It’s a very alienating experience trying to socialise with others, and it’s been like that since I was a kid, but being an adult, everything is my responsibility, and my awareness is getting to that point where I realise that I have no idea of my senses around me. I can present as normal, behaving as in an agreeable manner, but inside I’m afraid of the people around me, that I can’t understand them. I walk around very loud cars, repugnant architecture and feel alone and overloaded from the environment around me. I feel better on my own, but I don’t want to be alone. Every day, I just can’t wait to get back home, drained from my surroundings to be away and alone from everything, play some games to dissociate, I pretend everything is okay, and that I belong, close my eyes and wait until the next day of suffering begins. I have no sense of belonging anywhere, and I’m searching for it.